Out of the Broom Closet ..

I guess I am a witch.
OO, mangkukulam ako.
Soy Brujo.

It is not easy to say those words. Its an affirmation that I am different, that I am not average, not typical, not normal. An affirmation that in some cultures, like the Philippines, being a witch connotes something negative, something to be afraid of. The US somehow had come a long way in terms of viewing witches, nothing deragatory, just different or at most - deviant. Here, in Venezuela, there is fear, there is respect for a witch - but nothing deragatory or demeaning.

I have been asked before if I do witchcraft, and I have to define it, what a spell is so I would be comfortable to say yes. I even explain and point out how I started it, and who I simply focus in terms of spellcasting and all. Not exactly in denial as a witch, nor exactly admitting openly being one. I got more known for my divinatory skills using the tarot cards - and honestly I was deeply hurt and bothered when someone commented "Mangkukulam iyon, hindi manghuhula" (He is a witch and not a tarot reader).

It is not easy to admit what one is or not. Denial was easy. Likewise, there was the conflict - witchcraft was deemed anathema or opposite to Catholic beliefs. Witchcraft is simply associated with paganism and the like, to be a witch is not to believe in Catholic faith or Christianity. More confusion... and yet part of my growth, there seems to be no conflict with Catholicism and Witchcraft here in Venezuela, there seems to be a fusion, a co existence.... thus, slowly I see the melding and understanding of beliefs.. and coming out as one.

Why the need to affirm I am a witch? I believe in magic, I believe in prayers, I believe in spells - how can I expect for my wishes to come true, to happen if there is still some conflict on how I see myself? Its like, how can a man truly believes in his masculinity if he could not exorcise any doubts?

Sooner or later, the truth comes out, we may not be able to embrace it immediately but we havae to accept it for what it is.